On cool moon-lit nights, as I would walk towards home from tuitions, clutching my books, with the breeze playing with my dupatta, “a spring in every step, a song on my lips”, the feeling in my heart was overwhelmingly inexplicable. Smiling to myself, recollecting the beautiful moments I had spent with him during the day, and piling up dreams during the night, my 16years of existence seemed to be moving towards a beautiful new beginning. What did I love best about him? His wit? Humour? Warmth? Or simply the way he made me feel whenever I was with him? Probably there is no answer to this question. All that mattered to me was that I had found the one with whom I wanted to spend all my life, all my seven lives and life beyond that as well.
Four years, and my love for him was only growing stronger. So dazzled and blinded by love, I spent my hours capturing all the words he had uttered to me every single day of my life, jotting down all his messages and seizing every single opportunity to message him and hear from him.
I adored the way he would gaze deeply into my eyes and say, “Smriti, you are beautiful!” I’d smile… hoping he would utter those three magical words… seconds would pass like eons and images of my head resting on his shoulders would strike my eyes… "Oh God! Please stop making me dream so much…!", I would tell myself... "Take a deep breath babe, pull his leg for a while before reciprocating his love"… but I could never keep my heart beat in check… "C’mon dude… Propose propose propose… four years is a lot of time!"…
He did infact utter those three magical words… in front of my eyes… but… not to me… and never will he, to me…
My world came crashing down… there was nothing to look forward to… I was treading on my shattered pile of dreams… bleeding… but numb…
It was precisely then “B” entered my life…
He went on to become my best buddy. We shared similar interests- science and philosophy. Hours would fly by whenever I was with him and he was the perfect medicine to my broken heart…
“Hmm… Smriti… what do you think, is love and friendship a reversible chemical reaction?” We were in church then and it was raining heavily outside… I guess he always knew my reply… I shook my head… “Love is like a one-way stream… it is disaster when you ride against the current…” He did not buy my answer. He did not want to.
“I am leaving Bangalore, but I will persist", he said. "Why must I let go of you?”, those words troubled me. Within a few days, I said yes to him. “Right decision?”, I don’t know…
The relationship was getting strained. After a year, we were just two individuals trying to make things work… the feeling had sunk in… “He is not the one… he can never be the one”… I tried to pull myself out of the web… B did not want to give up… and would never…
“In love? Or out of love?”, it was at this juncture, I was introduced to “K”…
"Just a crush Smriti… just… a… crush"… I muttered to myself, as I laid down my head onto my hard pillow, watching the drape sway in the air, gently being caressed by the breeze… it rested awhile… and then another breeze swept it off the floor…
“You whore”, I screamed at the drape… and I painfully watched it echo the words in my direction…
8 comments:
mmmm...gud one...isnt everyone a whore in that sense dear? In my opinion, crushes are the most beautiful things that can happen to us...they give us the joy(and pangs,ofcourse) of beautiful memories and an experience of what can be senseless and yet beatific...but for those passing clouds that shower our barren hearts with a rare rain, what will become of us? what good is a past if you have nothing to cry over and smile about? keep writing buddy,n keep smiling :)
For the thaughts that flow as words outcomes the purity ..."pendown", for sin is in the thaught ..not in the heart ...
kudos.. keep writing .#
Found ya!many ppl feel the same way but then all i can tell is watch heyram..watch kamals predicament..a..b..k.. it has to go on!
hmm tryin to write sumthin bt dunno wat write failed miserably in the last attempts:(...
He said: 'Methink I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers;this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg'.
cos of this seperation, the halves of each pair were thereafter compelled to search for each other n the search(wat u say) goes on till we find the rite one (soulmate)...a ha finally
excellent piece...n btw me found my rite one :D
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